I had to put my book on hold. I am really beyond disappointed and mortified. Yet, I don’t want to get down too hard on myself. I left teaching to dedicate time to grow in my craft as an artist. I felt a calling and had an opportunity. God blessed my trust in him and I’ve gained so much in taking this risk and not working. Yet, I set a deadline this fall. I felt that one year was long enough for me to have finished a book. Every approach toward my project felt like a failure. Every approach didn’t seem true. So I decided to trust myself, I work well under deadlines. With a proper deadline, I’ve been able to see myself create art that I am proud of and I thought that this is all that I needed. So I set a deadline that I knew I would make. I planned a writing schedule to ensure it was realistic. I decided that on January 11, 2018 I would have my first draft done. I had given myself about 7 weeks to complete it. It felt fair because I had been drafting the book for over a year at that point.
Once I got near the deadline and saw that it wasn’t happening, I backed out. This is not something that I take lightly. If God gives you a present in the form of an idea, you have to honor it, with your attention, your effort, your research, your love, your truth. I can’t say that I gave the project what it deserves. I’m honoring my deadline. I didn’t make it. I’m moving forward. I’m asking what now?
Where do I go from here? I’m a bit scared, but something tells me that I’ll know. I’m falling forward.